Okay, I've been sick so I didn't get to do my final 5. At times, the computer screen has given me a headache; at other times I've just felt too foggy to write anything clear (as my PhD is currently proving); and at other times, I was so far behind my actual work because of being sick that I couldn't justify the time out to blog. Now, all those things are still true, but I've been inspired this morning to finish this post (it helps that I had 4/5 of this written before).
Now, I'm probably the only person in the world who divides 35 into 4 parts, but I did. You check out parts 1, 2, and 3 by clicking on the relevant number. This one is a bit sappy at times. They say bad writing often comes from too many emotions. This is definitely true here. I would apologize, but I like being human enough that sometimes my emotions make my writing just gawd-awful.
5. Being an American.* If you'd asked me 12 years ago if I was thankful for this, I probably would've said no. I would've told you all about how the US is imperialistic in its treatment of other areas, and how the concept of us being the "most free nation on Earth" is a lie told to us by the elites in an attempt to suppress resistance to economic tyranny. Let's be honest, I still kind of feel that way at times. Americans sometimes think we have a lock on the issue of freedom, like if it isn't practiced the way we practice it than it doesn't count. But they are confusing freedom with economic liberalism. Freedom is so much more than that. It should be about the ability one has to actually operate on a meritocracy and to improve and better their life. Yet, in the US, 49% of children born into poverty will spend at least half their childhoods in poverty, and "are more likely to be poor between ages 25 and 30, drop out of high school, have a teen nonmarital birth, and have patchy employment records than those not poor at birth." Income inequality in the US reached a record high in 2009, which threatens the stability of our economy, and the likelihood of those lower on the socioeconomic rungs from climbing the ladder to higher socioeconomic standards. Intergenerational economic mobility is believed to be pretty much flat since 1990 (p.15 of the link), and the riches 1% received 121% of the income gains during this economic recovery. To me, this means we are not a free society. Freedom involves more than just the ability to speak one's mind; it involves the ability to develop and then use one's talents for one's benefits and for the benefit of the greater society. But our educational funding system is massively defective and the increasing reliance on corporate-provided education is likely only exacerbating this, so that there is little opportunity to develop one's talents, much less use them to their fullest benefit. Our "economic freedom" is therefore limited; it is limited to operating with a supply-demand economy and then primarily within the social rung into which we were born.
In that sense, we are not the free-est society. But, that said, I do appreciate our stance on free speech and free religion. Perhaps I'm one of the few human rights activists who believes the US's position, which allows the KKK to march through a town of Holocaust survivors, is a good thing - though I'm definitely not the only human rights activist to think that (yes, my conservative friends, it was a progressive, ACLU employed, George Soros-loving liberal human rights activist who defended the KKK's right to free speech; he was also a refugee from Nazi Germany). I think the US's standards for separation of church and state are appropriate and set the right tone, even if that tone is sometimes usurped by crazy people.
More importantly, I've come to appreciate the other freedoms we enjoy in the US. Like the freedom of knowing that we aren't going to turn into a dictatorial state. I know that some of my conservative friends like to think that Barack Obama is a socialist, a fascist and a dictator, but the reality is that we've had over 200 years of peaceful democratic transitions in our society. That's a pretty long track record that we need to work to protect, but it's not one that is actually in any threat today. Even amongst the rightest of the right, we have little of the type of discourse that makes me worry about the democratic foundations of our country. There are occasions when I worry about an actual internal armed conflict or civil war, but dictatorial regime? No.
This has become particularly relevant to me this year as I've watched friends get arrested in Azerbaijan and others have been refused the right to leave their country. That's right - they can't leave, not because another state won't take them but because their own government won't let them go. Today alone, facebook told me of two friends facing this reality. One was leaving his home country to attend an international conference, ironically on freedom of speech, when immigration officials told him he wasn't allowed to fly. He was on a government black list because of his pro-democracy activism. After negotiations, it appears he's on his way, but I do worry about his ability to return later. Another friend is already outside his home country but had to renew his exit visa. That's right - some countries still have exit visas, meaning you can only leave with government permission. Even if you're outside of your home country, you can't travel to another unless your exit visa is valid. He needed to renew his exit visa to attend an international competition later this month. He's been trying for a month or two to get this renewal and today he was finally told he was denied. Yes, he was denied. So even though he's already outside of his home country, he's not allowed to go anywhere else until he returns home, and then he has to hope someone will give him an exit visa.
When a friend of a friend was killed this week, I had a serious conversation about the level of danger my friend faced upon her return home. I've had friends who were beaten by police and whose family members were torn from them and thrown in jail. I have friends who have been kicked out of Israel because they want to work on human rights issues in Palestine. Friends who can't work for their government because of their connection to an American woman (that would be me). Friends who regularly scrub their facebook pages clean of potentially "controversial" posts about their government, or about economics, or freedom or politics. I've known people who couldn't return to their home countries because of the religion they chose, the sexuality they concealed, or the courses they wanted to pursue. And this year, I did a human rights training for people who spent years in jail because of their belief in democracy. This is the reality of living in a dictatorship. (And while Israel is technically a democracy, it is unaccountable to the Palestinian people it rules over, so I place it, for the purpose of this discussion and limited to the case of its treatment of people who live and work in Palestine, in this category).
I realize that given my career choice I am more likely to have friends deemed "enemies of the state" in dictatorial, authoritarian regimes. Human rights activists face this kind of threat everywhere. But every time this reality comes up, I realize how lucky I was to be born in the USA (and not in the Bruce Springsteen lyrics kind of way). I am grateful for those who have fought long before I was born to ensure I have the freedom I do. I see the ideals of the US's founding fathers and mothers(!) in the faces of my friends who seek justice and human rights in their own countries. I am reminded that those who fought in the Revolutionary War risked everything - literally everything - to create a democratic institution that was answerable to the people. Some now want to claim what they opposed was taxation, but those individuals for that the thing they opposed was actually taxation without representation. It is the democratic experience that they wanted, fought for, and eventually won. It was the shackles of tyranny, the right of a dictator far removed and unanswerable to those whose lives he made miserable, that they were throwing off. That is the same fight my friends fight now. It inspires me, but it also makes me immensely grateful that this is a fight I didn't actually have to wage on a daily basis in my home country.
It is not only in the USA where one finds this kind of freedom, but I wasn't born anywhere else. My sense of self, my understanding of identify and freedom and democracy are all intrinsically linked to my childhood and to the sense of patriotism instilled in my family. This patriotism does not require absolute adherence and belief in the goodness of the USA, but it does not require a resilient determination to make the US as free as it can be.
For that, I am very grateful.
4. Animals and their unending love. My family have had and continue to have a lot of animals. Mercedes, Duchess, Buddy, Toby, Sunshine the Bird, Dan the Turtle, numerous hamsters, Bexley, Shallah, Foxie, MacKenzie, Bonkers, LeiLei, Velvet, and Houdini have showered me with affection and love. Well, Dan didn't, but he's a turtle (who was named for Dan Quayle - what were we thinking??). In turn, they've taught me to show love, to have patience, and to set down the computer because they won't stop head-butting me until I do.
3. My extended family. Like probably most families, there's a range of political beliefs in my extended family. There's a significant number of people in my extended family who disagree with my political opinions and can't relate to my constant need to be overseas. They love me anyhow. The ones who agree excitedly take time out of their schedules whenever we meet to talk about my newest adventure or non-adventurous accomplishments and to encourage me in my newest plans and next steps. The ones who disagree, do it with love and respect and still encourage me to live my life with joy and pride. I'm blessed to have this large community who help me better understand myself every day.
Two of my uncles, one of my aunts, and several of my cousins have been particularly supportive, so I want to say a special thanks to them (they know who they are). Their love, encouragement and support have led me to do more in my life than I would have imagined.
2. My immediate family. I've written about my siblings before, so this will be a truncated love letter. I had 5 spots left on this list today and could have easily spent one number on each immediate family member -- mom, dad, brother, sister, sister(-in-law*) -- though that would've left my awesome nephew out and he definitely shouldn't be left out. Plus, I would have felt like I was ranking them, and that would be awful. Realistically, they are a unit, so treating them as one is appropriate.
My family is pretty freaking amazing in that they're each these unique little balls of goodness that run around the world making it better. If I'm a "puppy dogs and rainbows" kind of girl, I'm surrounded by family members who are kittens and sunshine. One sister is off helping to prevent a war and the other is trying to make democracy work the way it is supposed to. My brother is one of the kindest, most generous and giving individuals I know. He's also a pretty bad ass attorney. He makes videos for my sister and I of our nephew doing all the cute things that make the first years of any baby's life precious. His kindness and sweetness exists in spite of the fact that he has prosecuted some of the absolute worst kinds of human behavior. Child molesters, rapists, domestic abusers - that used to be his daily life. I'm so glad it's not anymore (or at least I hear about it a lot less now). But he did it because he believes in justice and peace. Pretty lofty ideals for a (relatively) humble man.
And my nephew! Seriously the cutest child in the world. I would post his picture here but I think he has a right to privacy and his father and I already abuse that enough on facebook. (Abuse is not the appropriate word; disregard, perhaps?) I have often wondered if I could actually be a good parent. It involves a lot of sacrifice and I can be a pretty selfish person. Then my nephew came along.
I don't get to see him enough, and we don't skype as much as we should, but watching him grow up and taking pride in the little accomplishments, like the first time he said "da da" (on Father's Day!) or the first time I saw him run or throw a ball... he fills my life with such joy and wonder that I have come to realize I could actually do this thing called parenthood. I would actually even like it. Well, assuming my kids are half as cool as he is.
I also have two other nephews and a niece, thanks to my sister(-in-law). They're amazing, kind and generous. We like different things in the world (as we should; the oldest is about 20 years younger than me), but I appreciate how much seeing the world through their eyes changes the meaning of life. They're awesome kids and I'm lucky I got to inherent them.
My parents are a huge force in the lives my siblings and I have chosen. At a time when government was criticized and its servants demeaned - so pretty much from Reagan until now in the US - my parents chose civil service. It was not out of some desire to be lazy - my father used to work 16 hours a day sometimes - but because they saw something good and noble about serving others. My mother was a teacher and after cancer wrecked her body and her job choices (pre-HIPPA, cancer could be a good reason not to give someone a job), she chose to serve through local government while working as a real estate agent. She fought for ideals and quality service; generations of children in my hometown owe her a debt of gratitude. More recently, my dad was elected as a city official. He did it because, like my mom, he believes that common sense, education, and hard work are each part of the process for securing a better life, and if you have those skills you should use them to the benefit of others.
Having a political and public family is hard at times. People are often stupid and disrespectful, and you have to listen and continue to smile despite them saying and writing things that you know are lies. My sister(-in-law) was pregnant when running for office. On the online high-profile endorsement from the local newspaper, supporters of her opponent suggested my nephew would have to be raised by a nanny. Apparently, by running for office, my sister was doing a disservice to society because she would be abandoning her child, and the child would end up a sullen teenager hell-bent on destroying the city and society and probably all that is good and sacred in the world. Now, why my nephew would need a nanny when his father could watch him is beyond me - and my brother was (thankfully, rightfully, justly) outraged by the suggestion that my nephew would be "abandoned" simply because his mom worked. I was outraged that someone thought it still appropriate to chastise a working mother, let alone my amazing sister. I wanted to hit people; to write ranty messages all over that comment section; to start a campaign about women in the public sphere. And, oh yeah, to hit someone. My family didn't let me. Mostly because they know that this is part of what it means to serve the public. I hate it at times, but I'm also grateful for their love and devotion not just to themselves or to me but to the world and to the people around them.
They also happen to fill my life with joy and love. The support I get from them has often made the difference in my ability to stick through a tough situation. I wouldn't be able to do my job, or live my life as fully as I do, if it were not for their help. They're always ready to help me work through a problem, listen to me vent, or lend me money when I'm worried about coming up short. In short, they are amazing and my life wouldn't be nearly what it is now if they weren't in it.
1. Jesus. Jesus makes me a better person. I have some pretty Machiavellian tendencies if left unrestrained. Jesus restrains them. My relationship with God, choosing to be a Christian, and seeking after what is good and just is the basis of my work. I wanted to type that it informs all I do, but that would be a lie. I try to have it inform all I do. I fail, though. I'm human. It's why I'm glad that God is God and I am not. Some people question me as to whether it's really about God. It is. I know when I want to do something and when I'm hearing God's voice tell me not to. I know when I ignore that voice and when I follow it. I know when it is me trying to convince myself that God is okay with something, and when it's actually God saying something. I've tried to convince myself a lot. I'm happiest, though, when I'm not trying to convince myself. When I just listen for and follow God's will in my life. He gives me strength, peace and resilience and I am deeply grateful that I learned to trust him when I was still relatively young.
Now, I'm probably the only person in the world who divides 35 into 4 parts, but I did. You check out parts 1, 2, and 3 by clicking on the relevant number. This one is a bit sappy at times. They say bad writing often comes from too many emotions. This is definitely true here. I would apologize, but I like being human enough that sometimes my emotions make my writing just gawd-awful.
5. Being an American.* If you'd asked me 12 years ago if I was thankful for this, I probably would've said no. I would've told you all about how the US is imperialistic in its treatment of other areas, and how the concept of us being the "most free nation on Earth" is a lie told to us by the elites in an attempt to suppress resistance to economic tyranny. Let's be honest, I still kind of feel that way at times. Americans sometimes think we have a lock on the issue of freedom, like if it isn't practiced the way we practice it than it doesn't count. But they are confusing freedom with economic liberalism. Freedom is so much more than that. It should be about the ability one has to actually operate on a meritocracy and to improve and better their life. Yet, in the US, 49% of children born into poverty will spend at least half their childhoods in poverty, and "are more likely to be poor between ages 25 and 30, drop out of high school, have a teen nonmarital birth, and have patchy employment records than those not poor at birth." Income inequality in the US reached a record high in 2009, which threatens the stability of our economy, and the likelihood of those lower on the socioeconomic rungs from climbing the ladder to higher socioeconomic standards. Intergenerational economic mobility is believed to be pretty much flat since 1990 (p.15 of the link), and the riches 1% received 121% of the income gains during this economic recovery. To me, this means we are not a free society. Freedom involves more than just the ability to speak one's mind; it involves the ability to develop and then use one's talents for one's benefits and for the benefit of the greater society. But our educational funding system is massively defective and the increasing reliance on corporate-provided education is likely only exacerbating this, so that there is little opportunity to develop one's talents, much less use them to their fullest benefit. Our "economic freedom" is therefore limited; it is limited to operating with a supply-demand economy and then primarily within the social rung into which we were born.
In that sense, we are not the free-est society. But, that said, I do appreciate our stance on free speech and free religion. Perhaps I'm one of the few human rights activists who believes the US's position, which allows the KKK to march through a town of Holocaust survivors, is a good thing - though I'm definitely not the only human rights activist to think that (yes, my conservative friends, it was a progressive, ACLU employed, George Soros-loving liberal human rights activist who defended the KKK's right to free speech; he was also a refugee from Nazi Germany). I think the US's standards for separation of church and state are appropriate and set the right tone, even if that tone is sometimes usurped by crazy people.
More importantly, I've come to appreciate the other freedoms we enjoy in the US. Like the freedom of knowing that we aren't going to turn into a dictatorial state. I know that some of my conservative friends like to think that Barack Obama is a socialist, a fascist and a dictator, but the reality is that we've had over 200 years of peaceful democratic transitions in our society. That's a pretty long track record that we need to work to protect, but it's not one that is actually in any threat today. Even amongst the rightest of the right, we have little of the type of discourse that makes me worry about the democratic foundations of our country. There are occasions when I worry about an actual internal armed conflict or civil war, but dictatorial regime? No.
This has become particularly relevant to me this year as I've watched friends get arrested in Azerbaijan and others have been refused the right to leave their country. That's right - they can't leave, not because another state won't take them but because their own government won't let them go. Today alone, facebook told me of two friends facing this reality. One was leaving his home country to attend an international conference, ironically on freedom of speech, when immigration officials told him he wasn't allowed to fly. He was on a government black list because of his pro-democracy activism. After negotiations, it appears he's on his way, but I do worry about his ability to return later. Another friend is already outside his home country but had to renew his exit visa. That's right - some countries still have exit visas, meaning you can only leave with government permission. Even if you're outside of your home country, you can't travel to another unless your exit visa is valid. He needed to renew his exit visa to attend an international competition later this month. He's been trying for a month or two to get this renewal and today he was finally told he was denied. Yes, he was denied. So even though he's already outside of his home country, he's not allowed to go anywhere else until he returns home, and then he has to hope someone will give him an exit visa.
When a friend of a friend was killed this week, I had a serious conversation about the level of danger my friend faced upon her return home. I've had friends who were beaten by police and whose family members were torn from them and thrown in jail. I have friends who have been kicked out of Israel because they want to work on human rights issues in Palestine. Friends who can't work for their government because of their connection to an American woman (that would be me). Friends who regularly scrub their facebook pages clean of potentially "controversial" posts about their government, or about economics, or freedom or politics. I've known people who couldn't return to their home countries because of the religion they chose, the sexuality they concealed, or the courses they wanted to pursue. And this year, I did a human rights training for people who spent years in jail because of their belief in democracy. This is the reality of living in a dictatorship. (And while Israel is technically a democracy, it is unaccountable to the Palestinian people it rules over, so I place it, for the purpose of this discussion and limited to the case of its treatment of people who live and work in Palestine, in this category).
I realize that given my career choice I am more likely to have friends deemed "enemies of the state" in dictatorial, authoritarian regimes. Human rights activists face this kind of threat everywhere. But every time this reality comes up, I realize how lucky I was to be born in the USA (and not in the Bruce Springsteen lyrics kind of way). I am grateful for those who have fought long before I was born to ensure I have the freedom I do. I see the ideals of the US's founding fathers and mothers(!) in the faces of my friends who seek justice and human rights in their own countries. I am reminded that those who fought in the Revolutionary War risked everything - literally everything - to create a democratic institution that was answerable to the people. Some now want to claim what they opposed was taxation, but those individuals for that the thing they opposed was actually taxation without representation. It is the democratic experience that they wanted, fought for, and eventually won. It was the shackles of tyranny, the right of a dictator far removed and unanswerable to those whose lives he made miserable, that they were throwing off. That is the same fight my friends fight now. It inspires me, but it also makes me immensely grateful that this is a fight I didn't actually have to wage on a daily basis in my home country.
It is not only in the USA where one finds this kind of freedom, but I wasn't born anywhere else. My sense of self, my understanding of identify and freedom and democracy are all intrinsically linked to my childhood and to the sense of patriotism instilled in my family. This patriotism does not require absolute adherence and belief in the goodness of the USA, but it does not require a resilient determination to make the US as free as it can be.
For that, I am very grateful.
*I use that as the demonym for someone from the USA. I recognize the colonial heritage associated with the concept of the "United States of America" as being something distinct from European owned territories within the Americas, but unfortunately non of my friends from the Americas have been able to come up with an English language demonym for someone from the USA. This does not mean that the USA is the only part of the Americas and I intentionally use USA rather than "America" to refer to the country I am from, but the demonym "American" is used as someone from the USA, not the greater inclusive "Americas."
4. Animals and their unending love. My family have had and continue to have a lot of animals. Mercedes, Duchess, Buddy, Toby, Sunshine the Bird, Dan the Turtle, numerous hamsters, Bexley, Shallah, Foxie, MacKenzie, Bonkers, LeiLei, Velvet, and Houdini have showered me with affection and love. Well, Dan didn't, but he's a turtle (who was named for Dan Quayle - what were we thinking??). In turn, they've taught me to show love, to have patience, and to set down the computer because they won't stop head-butting me until I do.
3. My extended family. Like probably most families, there's a range of political beliefs in my extended family. There's a significant number of people in my extended family who disagree with my political opinions and can't relate to my constant need to be overseas. They love me anyhow. The ones who agree excitedly take time out of their schedules whenever we meet to talk about my newest adventure or non-adventurous accomplishments and to encourage me in my newest plans and next steps. The ones who disagree, do it with love and respect and still encourage me to live my life with joy and pride. I'm blessed to have this large community who help me better understand myself every day.
Two of my uncles, one of my aunts, and several of my cousins have been particularly supportive, so I want to say a special thanks to them (they know who they are). Their love, encouragement and support have led me to do more in my life than I would have imagined.
2. My immediate family. I've written about my siblings before, so this will be a truncated love letter. I had 5 spots left on this list today and could have easily spent one number on each immediate family member -- mom, dad, brother, sister, sister(-in-law*) -- though that would've left my awesome nephew out and he definitely shouldn't be left out. Plus, I would have felt like I was ranking them, and that would be awful. Realistically, they are a unit, so treating them as one is appropriate.
My family is pretty freaking amazing in that they're each these unique little balls of goodness that run around the world making it better. If I'm a "puppy dogs and rainbows" kind of girl, I'm surrounded by family members who are kittens and sunshine. One sister is off helping to prevent a war and the other is trying to make democracy work the way it is supposed to. My brother is one of the kindest, most generous and giving individuals I know. He's also a pretty bad ass attorney. He makes videos for my sister and I of our nephew doing all the cute things that make the first years of any baby's life precious. His kindness and sweetness exists in spite of the fact that he has prosecuted some of the absolute worst kinds of human behavior. Child molesters, rapists, domestic abusers - that used to be his daily life. I'm so glad it's not anymore (or at least I hear about it a lot less now). But he did it because he believes in justice and peace. Pretty lofty ideals for a (relatively) humble man.
And my nephew! Seriously the cutest child in the world. I would post his picture here but I think he has a right to privacy and his father and I already abuse that enough on facebook. (Abuse is not the appropriate word; disregard, perhaps?) I have often wondered if I could actually be a good parent. It involves a lot of sacrifice and I can be a pretty selfish person. Then my nephew came along.
I don't get to see him enough, and we don't skype as much as we should, but watching him grow up and taking pride in the little accomplishments, like the first time he said "da da" (on Father's Day!) or the first time I saw him run or throw a ball... he fills my life with such joy and wonder that I have come to realize I could actually do this thing called parenthood. I would actually even like it. Well, assuming my kids are half as cool as he is.
I also have two other nephews and a niece, thanks to my sister(-in-law). They're amazing, kind and generous. We like different things in the world (as we should; the oldest is about 20 years younger than me), but I appreciate how much seeing the world through their eyes changes the meaning of life. They're awesome kids and I'm lucky I got to inherent them.
My parents are a huge force in the lives my siblings and I have chosen. At a time when government was criticized and its servants demeaned - so pretty much from Reagan until now in the US - my parents chose civil service. It was not out of some desire to be lazy - my father used to work 16 hours a day sometimes - but because they saw something good and noble about serving others. My mother was a teacher and after cancer wrecked her body and her job choices (pre-HIPPA, cancer could be a good reason not to give someone a job), she chose to serve through local government while working as a real estate agent. She fought for ideals and quality service; generations of children in my hometown owe her a debt of gratitude. More recently, my dad was elected as a city official. He did it because, like my mom, he believes that common sense, education, and hard work are each part of the process for securing a better life, and if you have those skills you should use them to the benefit of others.
Having a political and public family is hard at times. People are often stupid and disrespectful, and you have to listen and continue to smile despite them saying and writing things that you know are lies. My sister(-in-law) was pregnant when running for office. On the online high-profile endorsement from the local newspaper, supporters of her opponent suggested my nephew would have to be raised by a nanny. Apparently, by running for office, my sister was doing a disservice to society because she would be abandoning her child, and the child would end up a sullen teenager hell-bent on destroying the city and society and probably all that is good and sacred in the world. Now, why my nephew would need a nanny when his father could watch him is beyond me - and my brother was (thankfully, rightfully, justly) outraged by the suggestion that my nephew would be "abandoned" simply because his mom worked. I was outraged that someone thought it still appropriate to chastise a working mother, let alone my amazing sister. I wanted to hit people; to write ranty messages all over that comment section; to start a campaign about women in the public sphere. And, oh yeah, to hit someone. My family didn't let me. Mostly because they know that this is part of what it means to serve the public. I hate it at times, but I'm also grateful for their love and devotion not just to themselves or to me but to the world and to the people around them.
They also happen to fill my life with joy and love. The support I get from them has often made the difference in my ability to stick through a tough situation. I wouldn't be able to do my job, or live my life as fully as I do, if it were not for their help. They're always ready to help me work through a problem, listen to me vent, or lend me money when I'm worried about coming up short. In short, they are amazing and my life wouldn't be nearly what it is now if they weren't in it.
I generally just call my sister-in-law my sister, but sometimes that could lead to some gross confusion (like my brother and sister having a baby together). And since most of the people who read this blog have also known my family for a really long time, I want to be clear that neither of my parents had an affair that produced a child we never acknowledged until I was an adult. So where it's necessary for these reasons to specify sister-in-law, you get the "in-law" in parenthesis.
1. Jesus. Jesus makes me a better person. I have some pretty Machiavellian tendencies if left unrestrained. Jesus restrains them. My relationship with God, choosing to be a Christian, and seeking after what is good and just is the basis of my work. I wanted to type that it informs all I do, but that would be a lie. I try to have it inform all I do. I fail, though. I'm human. It's why I'm glad that God is God and I am not. Some people question me as to whether it's really about God. It is. I know when I want to do something and when I'm hearing God's voice tell me not to. I know when I ignore that voice and when I follow it. I know when it is me trying to convince myself that God is okay with something, and when it's actually God saying something. I've tried to convince myself a lot. I'm happiest, though, when I'm not trying to convince myself. When I just listen for and follow God's will in my life. He gives me strength, peace and resilience and I am deeply grateful that I learned to trust him when I was still relatively young.
